If you want to know how to avoid divorce and save your marriage, read every word of this blog post. Divorce is certainly never easy, but it’s one of those life events that should have a serious postmortem examination to determine what really occurred. I suffered through a divorce last year, and from that loss I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship function.
We often tend to learn best from defeat, so when a marriage fails you’re certainly primed for a considerable amount of learning and self-reflection. On the surface, my marital relationship had all the makings of something that should work: no infidelity, no abuse, and we seemingly hit it off good.
How to Avoid Divorce and Save Your Marriage.
But if I’m completely truthful, we sucked at actually handling issues. Looking back on the whole experience, I’ve walked away a relatively smarter man, and here are a couple of pieces of advice I wish I ‘d picked up– or least adhered to– before all of it went to purgatory.
It’s obvious that communication is the key to the effectiveness of any romantic relationship. In fact, it’s some of the best common advice you hear. The problem is, it isn’t often as simple as it sounds. Folks communicate in various ways, and in the case of my ex-wife and I, we communicated in what felt like completely different languages. I was the more standoffish one who had the tendency to communicate subtly, whereas she was more straightforward.
How to Avoid Divorce During Separation.
These 2 kinds of communication don’t seem to collaborate, but that doesn’t imply you can’t find a happy medium. The first step is realizing that you’re having trouble speaking on the same wavelength. Then, it’s time figure out how you can speak to each other. In our situation, we simply weren’t revealing that much about our own selves.
We stayed clear of hot topics and alternatively spoke blandly about work, friends, or whatever dull gossip was happening in the world. We realized we had to communicate, but we never ever found out the best ways to do it. One remedy I came across far too late appeared in The Wall Street Journal.
Causes and Prevention of Divorce.
Husband or wives should talk in a tranquil and caring voice. They should learn how to bicker in a manner that produces a remedy, not just more anger. They must practice “active listening,” where they attempt to hear what the other person is saying, repeating back what they just heard and asking if they understood correctly …
Dr. Orbuch suggests a 10-minute rule: Every day, for 10 minutes, the couple must speak alone concerning something other than work, the family and kids, the household, the marriage. No problems. No appointment scheduling. No logistics.
Dr. Orbuch’s point is pretty simple. Discuss nothing, discuss philosophy, talk about dreams– whatever, just talk for TEN minutes a day. That said, our own Walter Glenn adds his own guidelines for reliable communication and arguments.
Best Way to Stop Divorce And Keep Your Marriage Together.
Giving your significant other the chance to vent frustration (and feel safe doing it) is part of your job as a spouse , whether that aggravation is directed at you or regarding something else. Fights are definitely fine. But it’s crucial to set up a few ground rules about fighting.
No name calling or personal put-downs. She might call my suggestion idiotic, but that’s quite different than calling me a pinhead. So, word choice is very important.
How to Stop My Husband From Divorcing Me.
Either of us can walk away from a fight if we need a long time to chill out. The key is, no one just storms off. We always say some variation of “I need to calm down for a few minutes. Let’s continue later on.”
This is mostly if you have children (and may be more parenting advice), but I believe that if you initiate a fight in front of your children, you owe it to them to allow them see how the fight gets resolved. Sending them away and after that having them see later on that the fight ends doesn’t minimize fear or teach them anything.
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